Transformation Tuesday

IMG_20150815_102031I am going to begin by clarifying that my feelings and thoughts will change by the minute at this time in my life.

I will be learning as I go along and hopefully will be able to make some sense of a life that has been up till now, pretty unstructured, mostly unplanned and most certainly random; filled with the types of characters that one meets in a book or movie.

I have been the one to slip easily from one group to another, adjusting my masks and views according to my peer groups. I thought this was a great talent, until a shrink told me it really wasn’t. Much more a coping and control mechanism, and not to be bragged about to even a slightly educated audience. My bad.

I think I have had a pretty colourful life up to this point, and if I had any discipline at all, I would be planning to write a book in the next few years.

Some of the topics I could write about:

  1. Death/Loss – I have lost A LOT of people I love…not a few..and not distant…my entire family of origin is gone, as well as my first born son.
  2. Trauma – I survived a pretty significant MVA with a freight train a few years back, but not without scars and some PTSD. Trust me, the mental healing is WAY harder than the physical.
  3. Growing up in an alcoholic house – pretty self explanatory and it actually took until this very year while going through a significant relationship falling apart, that I even began to look at what the fuck I was doing wrong when it comes to picking life mates…perhaps there was something “I” was doing wrong?? How could that BE???
  4. Motherhood – They thrived, they survived, but I have a shit ton of funny, lovely stories I would like to get written down before I forget them all with the passage of time. Also see # 2- my memory is not great.
  5. My Brother – He was my only sibling and quite the fuckadoodle at times. Drug addicted, witty, live-by-the-seat-of your -pants charmer and SO many awesome stories that are book-worthy on their own! I miss him so much and am just now, 2.5 years later, coming to terms with living my life without him.

~s~

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