I’m a secret reality show watcher. It is my guilty pleasure and something that eases my mind about my own crazy life.
It makes me feel better to watch people on television who will do anything for the almighty dolla dolla bill.
There is just never ending trash to watch.
I know it is a sad reflection of our humanity that shows like this do well and that there are so many of us watching them. I am a hate-watcher, though. Honestly, I pick the worst of the worst of them and follow vicariously…snarking away to the television, while cackling with glee when someone goes over the deep end.
My favourite targets are in order of worst to still pretty fucking terrible:
- 19 Kids & Counting: Real quality programming from TLC, which used to be The Learning Channel. I have known these folks were screwed from the start and watched this train wreck anxiously..PURPOSING ( their word) for their fundamentalist scumbaggery to come to light at some point. Well it DID! This year! First, the oldest son, who was working for Jebus (FRC) and denying women the right to abortions and autonomy over their own god damned nether regions, was busted for molesting his younger sisters. One as young as 6 years of age and he a teenage boy. His parents kept it on the down low and covered his scumbag ass until the statute of limitations expired and the only reason it came to light was some intrepid reporter did a FOI search or whatever it is called in the States. According to the parents and the older two girls who discussed with the media, it was “no biggie”, sly, over the clothing groping and no one was hurt cus they were sleeping. In their religion, it is the woman’s fault anyway for tempting the men to do such depraved acts, so no harm no foul, in Duggarland. Then this fundy Einstein gets nailed in the Ashley Madison hack. This one I can almost forgive him for, as I blame most of his issues on his parents. I cannot forgive his screwing porn stars bareback with a pregnant simple fundy wife at home, but can understand why he may have felt the need to nail some strange.
- Sister Wives: This is without a doubt the most insightful look you will ever get into fundamental polygamists and the absolutely soul-crushing lives of women who share their husband with three other women. The cherry on top of this cake is the surfer dude egomaniac husband, Kody, who can explain away everything from running away from “prosecution” ( debts) in Utah to Las Vegas ( a lovely choice for a Christian family settlement if there ever was one), to why kissing someone sends your hormones into the kissee’s mouth via spit. His wives are all either heavily medicated (Meri), totally checked out, (Janelle), bipolar (Christine) or bawling every episode over some trivial issue ( Sobbyn Robyn). He has no time and barely remembers his daughter’s names, but makes it to every wrestling match his sons are involved in. None of them work…NONE. They built custom McMansions on a
cult-de-saccul de sac, and have a party for every single occasion! And feed over twenty five people at these shindigs! They believe that they are spiritually married and will all go off to this douchebag’s planet when they cease this mortal coil. In fact, the more wives he can procure here, the nicer the planet they all get to chill on for all of eternity! If this was the premise for a book, it would be rejected for holes in the plot, but this is actually happening in real life. These grifters have claimed bankruptcy multiple times, every few years, in fact. They just take turns and the single mothers collect welfare and food stamps to keep the family train a rolling. Add to that those TLC pay cheques and you get a family of twenty-something without a single person working a full time job, living in mansions, driving brand new leased vehicles and having parties every week. Waiting anxiously for this train wreck to derail at any time now as well, due to the first legal wife ( who he divorced on the sly last year to marry the youngest wife) being caught in a cat-fishing scandal that is all over the internet right now. Poor thing thought she had found an escape route from polygamyville and instead was deep-throating bananas on her webcam for a fat, fiftyish, female catfisher. OH MY!
- Kate + 8: This was my first foray into reality television and the first person I have never met in person that I have wanted to throat punch. I first watched this show to see how a young couple would cope with that many babies at once. She had two twins about 3 yrs of age and then had 6 at once. She had a nice Asian husband, who worked an IT job and they lived in a lovely little house and seemed fairly normal. Then within a year, it morphed into this shitshow of epic proportions. She was vile to her husband. Short tempered with the children and eventually turned shrew so fast aint nobody could have tamed her! I watched that marriage implode. The husband had an affair with the daughter of the plastic surgeon who did Kate’s free tummy tuck and breast implants, the kids were bawling all the time, and they TOO moved into a mansion, paid for with those sweet sweet TLC dolla bills. She eventually sued for divorce, got full custody, and stayed in the mansion, while he resorted to tending bar, dj’ing, and selling stories to tabloids about what a shitty mother she was. She went on to be a D list celebrity of sorts, got hair extensions, fake tan, fake nails and a Dancing with the Stars gig, where she failed abysmally, as that gal has no rhythm. Celebrity Apprentice was next, and she didn’t fare any better on there. She managed to arrange another TLC gig and pimped her kids out once again this past season, even though it was painfully obvious her children hate being filmed. The twins are now teenagers and the one in particular brings to mind that old adage about parents eating their young…yes, that bad. The younger kids cry and fight a lot and she sits in her talking head segments rolling her eyes and heavily sighing about the life of the single parent. She loves to mug it up for the cameras. I get most of my frustrations out yelling at the t.v. when she is wringing her hands about how hard her life is with her bodyguards, nannies, drivers, housekeepers, cooks and personal trainer on staff. The plight of the poor single mother indeed. I am waiting for one of the kids to turn eighteen and write the Mommy Dearest on this mess. Not if. When. My money is on Maddie.