The Sandbox Writing Challenge 22 — Setting free the captive parts… – http://wp.me/p5bWLb-1Du
It has taken me many years and many tears and also too too many sleepless nights to grant myself forgiveness.
Forgiveness for the child I was and the youthful decisions which altered what I believe my path was supposed to be.
I have recently been told that I forgive those who have hurt me far too easily, and have allowed grievous transgressions against me without lifting so much as a finger to defend myself.
Something very vital was broken in me at a young age. I was at some point led to believe that my needs were insignificant. That it was selfish to need when i was clearly from outward appearances the healthiest one under the roof.
That to insist I be considered. ..seen….heard..understood….was to cause a ripple or rending in the fabric of our family.
It was never voiced but certainly implied that everything was always dangerously close to falling to pieces and the least resistance coming from me would allow the balancing act to continue.
There were other far more damaged souls that needed tending to, and the best thing I could do in the name of harmony was
To take less.
To give more.
To forget myself.
To forgive them more.
I need to forgive that child who had no voice and no choice in where her little soul landed on this earth.
I need to allow myself to forgive her for choices which were made and alliances she formed in order to thrive and more importantly, survive.
I have spent more than half my life holding back forgiving a small, vulnerable child who had absolutely no voice in how she was treated by those who were responsible for keeping her safe.