Getting Older Sucks

I am a horrible patient and will  freely admit that.
After my accident,  I have avoided Drs and things related like the plague.
I finally found an awesome family doc last year who has gently encouraged me to do the routine testing that my age range is supposed to have done and I have complied with everything from EKGs , blood work,  boob mashing,  and this was my last hurdle.
Saved the best (read worst!)for last.

free_exam

Dr. fancies himself quite the encourager and saw my acceptance and compliance with all the other stuff as maybe me being an  easy mark .

He was wrong.

He  had to do everything from quoting statistics to cajoling, to drawing pictures to begging to retreating and then circling back with more debating, all  within a fifteen minute appointment.

I caved and saw his gastro guy and now have a date booked for the “July Double Whammy”, as I am now referring to it in my head.  The specialist decided due to gluten intolerance showing on my lab work, he is gonna throw in an endoscopy at the same time.

Hence “July Double Whammy” or “Double Header.”

 

colo

All the women I work with have suggested that the day before prep is the hardest part of it all, and I have been assured I will be receiving some  great drugs, which will  increase my chances of sleeping through most of it, if I’m lucky.

So, in preparation,(snort), I am trying to  find things to make me laugh and remove the fear and anxiety.

Firstly, I will relate my last discussion regarding this with my family Dr in its entirety:

Dr: Your blood tests indicate slightly low iron.
Me : Slightlyyyyyy.
Dr: Abnormal.
Me: Define normal.
Dr : Your tests indicated a possible intolerance to gluten
Me : Impossible. I have  been mocking those folks for years!

Dr: Still possible, despite your mocking others less fortunate than yourself. . I would rest easier if you had the colonoscopy done.
Me: I’m sure you would. It’s not you having something jammed up your ass, now,  is it?
Dr: Have I told you that you are one of my favourite patients I see and that you always make me laugh?
Me: Not fair. You know that means the world to me and it is playing dirty.
Dr: Please have the colonoscopy.
Me: OK..but you are breaking my heart. .or some other part  of me that I will be needing.
Dr: I promise nothing will be broken on my watch.
Me : YOU are going to be there WATCHING???
Dr:  laughing and using tissue to wipe tears away as he waves me out of his office….

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If you haven’t read this yet,  you really need to.

I love Dave Barry .

Domestic Diva  also had me in tears from laughter.

Bottoms up, friends!

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5 thoughts on “Getting Older Sucks”

  1. Since when do they leave you awake these days? My mom had colon cancer and I’ve been being screened every three years since I was in my 30’s. Never ONCE have I been awake. It’s like the best 15 minutes of sleep you’ll have had for a long time! And if you throw in the endoscopy (which I have twice), you might squeeze out 25. It’s just a mild sedative so you wake up pretty quickly afterwards. Some places want to give you full anesthesia. You don’t need that. You’re out and won’t feel a thing. (Unless they do it totally different up where you are.) The worst part is the prep the night before. Having the trots is a cinch. I have IBS so I can do the Rocky Mountain Quick Step pretty damn good! 😀 Just stay close to the toity. The worst part really is getting the stuff down you have to drink. It’s usually a kind of fake lemony tasting stuff that’s really salty and heavy. You can drink it slowly. And here’s a tip. Drink it with a straw and such from the back of your mouth. That way it bypasses a LOT of your taste buds and is a hell of a lot easier to get down.

    The worst part of the procedure for me is getting the IV in. I have ONE vein they can put it in. I practically have to draw an X on it for them to find it. They argued with me last time that it wasn’t there. So the damn nurse stuck the needle in really deep. I bet she’s never HAD that much blood on her. 😀 Tickled the crap out of me. They should listen to their patients.

    But seriously, it won’t be nearly as bad as everyone teases you about. When are you having it done?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Awww you are the best! You just took most of the scary out of it for me! I don’t think i am awake awake…he said versed and fentanyl. .not put under. Must of my work colleagues told me they dozed through it all! So I’m usually really receptive to meditations as I don’t take any. Crossed fingers I just drift away. And yes, they told me it’s twenty five minutes tops for both procedures. That amazes me.

      Liked by 2 people

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