Don’t Let the Bedbugs Bite

It seemed to happen overnight for me.

One moment, I am practically invisible, just the way I liked it.

Being able to quietly and unobtrusively go about my business by day or night. Walking out in the world with my thoughts on things other than the chaotic house I resided in.

Suddenly, it all changed.

Outside, dirty faced boys say things to me I don’t even understand, using words that sound like a bad thing.

Inside, greasy, slippery grins from men who I have been instructed to call “Uncle” .

Uncles that have known my parents for years.  Friends.  Boyfriends of my Mother’s friends.

Uncles that always made me nervous; giving me that tickling feeling against my stomach and ribcage.

Being pushed towards them for the bedtime ritual.

“Go ahead. Give everyone a kiss and hug goodnight.”

Slithering accidental brushes of fingers, hands, arms, upon me.

Breath that reeks of tobacco and whiskey and hair that stinks of Brylcreem.

Big rough calloused hands patting your flannel covered bottom, just a little stray dragging of the nails or fingertips, on the sly. Hugs so tight I can’t breathe, while they measure, deduce, calculate the changes, the growth spurt.

Doing as I’m told and then vomiting as quietly as I can in the bathroom and wiping the wet sleeve of my kitten-patterned pyjamas all over my lips and chin and neck and cheeks with a sliver of soap.

Trying to scrub away the smell so that I can sleep that night.

Dreams of the day I am so big that I don’t have to let people I am scared of touch me.

10 thoughts on “Don’t Let the Bedbugs Bite

  1. calensariel June 29, 2016 / 8:10 pm

    I’m just going to have to stay quiet on this one, Shannon. It impacts me deeply…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dominique June 29, 2016 / 10:00 pm

      I know, right? It resonates for so many passing through the gates of sexual trauma.


  2. rollingblogger June 29, 2016 / 10:10 pm

    Wow!! Absolutely speechless. I just… Wow… Sorry you ever experienced anything like this is so meaningless of a thing for me to even say, I just…


      • rollingblogger June 29, 2016 / 10:27 pm

        Thank you for sharing this with the world. I pray it blesses others who may have or are having to experience the same things.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Donna Jefferson June 30, 2016 / 6:21 pm

    Wow! I agree with rollingblogger. Just wow. So glad your okay now.


  4. Soul Gifts July 7, 2016 / 6:42 am

    So glad to know you are OK now! It was a stomach churning read, so powerful.Thank you 🙂
    And thank you too for your visit to my blog. I see you read my “Do” post which I guess resonates strongly with this one of yours.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Shannon July 7, 2016 / 9:16 am

      Absolutely did. I really like your writing style and also checked the link out you shared. Some powerful posts there!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Soul Gifts July 7, 2016 / 6:57 pm

        It’s awesome to see a group of young people being so creative and positive.Did you see the post of one portraying mental illness through black and white photos ? It is really good.


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