So Many Players You’d Think I Was a Boardgame

I am a piece of work and in my defence, I have always warned potential romantic partners of this fact.

Right in the beginning, actually.

First meeting.

” I can be a “bit” of a handful.”

Of course, the sociopaths ( I kid- a little) that are attracted to me just become more intrigued and grab on for dear life, usually.

I am the mistress of the game, I’m afraid.

I start like gang busters, providing you with advice and listening to your troubles and staying engaged and becoming your most trusted advisor/spiritualist/psychologist.

I prepare your most favourite meals, and remember all those little details you share with me about your preferences in clothing, television programs, music, and entertainment outings.

I could write tomes about your issues with your mother/father/siblings/ex-wife/children/boss/co-workers, and also provide reference material and perhaps footnotes at the end, like academic papers.

I start to take care of the little things for you like reminding you of bill payment deadlines, doing five years of back taxes for you by hand, arranging payment schedules for your student loans, and sometimes even arranging visitation for you with your children, if you have a difficult ex. She would rather deal with me than you, anyway- who wouldn’t?

I seem like the best thing that ever happened to you and you will tell me that over and over and over again, as you happily hand responsibility for all the boring minutia in your life over to my care.

We will carry on in this fashion for many years, until I suddenly wake up one day and realize that I am exhausted by the crushing weight of you and all your problems.

You will have long past forgotten to thank me for performing tasks, and will now take for granted that I am content and happy, due to the fact I don’t ask for anything and don’t complain.

This will carry on for approximately three years – this new phase.

I will catch you looking at me when you think I can’t see you- puzzlement all over your face at times.

You may start asking me what I am thinking about if I am quiet and I will respond with a laugh, ” oh nothing…you know me…just in my own little universe.”

Historically, around relationship years 12-18, I am coasting on my own cloud.

I begin withdrawing,  then dreaming, then planning on how best to extricate myself from you.

I can justify this by your bad treatment of me and how I am the one always giving but getting nothing in return.

Please note that I never once asked you or told you or even discussed in a serious way with you my own needs or where you were lacking.

I just assumed that you loved the same way I did, and that I would receive back automatically what I had given in the name of love.

I don’t and never have shared relationship problems with friends, so when it’s all said and done, I can tell those in my life whatever I want to as far as reasons for the breakup.

That is the game I play and although I am not in any way winning at it, until I change the rules of this game, I am afraid it will continue until I decide the time has come to forfeit my turn.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

 

 

 

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10 thoughts on “So Many Players You’d Think I Was a Boardgame”

  1. It sounds more like an unintended behaviour pattern that you subconsciously set up, possibly to prevent your life spinning out of control, but what the hell – putting it on record could help you change that pattern.
    Whatever it does or doesn’t do for you, it’s a great post 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Haha – just occasionally I find myself in that kind of mood while my fingers are poissed over the keyboard. Once or twice I’ve kinda regretted it later. One of my daughters reads my blog, and a couple of my posts have worried her.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I can identify with a lot of what you wrote. Though I’ve never wanted to extricate myself from my relationship, I sure experience a lot of the same feelings. I liked Karen’s question. I’ve often wondered just how long it takes to get fed up enough to start asserting oneself. Guess I haven’t hit my time limit yet! Great post. Missed you…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for writing this. I think this is a concise way to describe many relationships for women. It took me 17 years to get out, after I married him. Only difference was he remained silent while I talked and those things got used against me in court during the war (divorce). Safer to be able to slip away rather than ripping apart the relationship. I didn’t know it was a mess until it already was one.

    It is so easy to ask nothing and do for others. It is hard to notice myself as a person of worth. I have been working on that.
    Big hug Shannon!

    Liked by 1 person

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