In the last 15 exercises, did any of your answers surprise you? Why?
I really surprised myself with how honestly I responded to Challenge # 50 regarding playing games. It has been a whisper of a thought that has danced into my conscience for years, but I have done my best to swat it away as quickly as it comes calling. I’m pleased that I have grown enough to accept accountability for the part I have played in the demise of intimate relationships. I need to explore that stuff further in relation to if I am patterning anything I perhaps saw as a child/youth.
Is there any exercise that felt more charged than others? If you’d like, carry on with that post and share your additions with us.
Oh yes. Challenge # 42 – Of Two Minds was the beginning of my story about renewal and transformation. That blog post gave me the thought that perhaps I COULD get that story out in whatever way worked best for me. To be honest, I cried a lot writing that. But felt really good afterwards.
Were there any exercises that felt incomplete to you? If so, complete them now. Stop when your energy is spent. Then please share them with us.
Challenge # 43 showed me that I can actually write poetically if I try. I’m awfully lazy though, so definitely need to force myself.
What insights about you (if any) came to light in these last 15 exercises?
I always wonder why I come across as sort of serious/melancholic in my blogging subjects and yet, am very upbeat and positive in my daily life with those I interact with. I think I feel safer writing it out. I was never encouraged to show an honest face or feelings to the world, so have always felt far more comfortable writing out my innermost thoughts and feelings. I am looking forward to the day I am done with my own personal “excavation” and can start writing about current events more often or those issues that affect me personally, which are also not quite so personal.
Who might benefit from what you have discovered?
Myself, obviously. Perhaps my sons someday if I ever get the main story out of me and onto paper in an organized fashion. They will understand what made their crazy Momma tick and perhaps be more forgiving of some of the mistakes.
What actions might you take now that you wouldn’t have taken before?
I am now confronting people directly in a calm measured way, rather than stuffing my resentments and anger and fear inside, as I have done my whole life. I got a bit off-track with my health this summer, and spent valuable time reflecting on ways I could improve my stress levels & physical/mental health without alienating everyone in my life by suddenly turning shrew!
I am planning to deal with what is left of my Mom’s belongings in my basement and to scatter what is left of her ashes during the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend. Either alone or with my sons; it will not really make a difference to me at this point, as it has been ten years this year and it is time and I am ok with it, however it pans out. If I cry, I cry-and if I laugh, I laugh, and if I just sit in the stillness of the fall air and colours and don’t do anything, it will be perfect.
What can you now accept about yourself?
I am ok and will always be ok. I don’t fear much of anything anymore other than losing my sons, as I have already survived everything else. It is rather an empowering feeling, actually! I feel strong and I am a bit of a force to be reckoned with, you know!
What else would you like to know about yourself?
I’m not sure. I guess I will see what the next set of challenges brings out.
Now that you’ve tapped into your energy, can you think of ways to tap into it more often? Are there thoughts, such as “it’s not serious,” or images from this book or your imagination, that you can focus your attention on, to help you feel more alive?
I feel more alive outside and in nature. I need to find ways to do that in our winter climate.