The challenge this week over at the sandbox is about acceptance and the differences between acceptance, passivity and resignation.
I have been passive in my life, especially in my younger years, when passivity was a means to get along and not cause a scene even when I most definitely should have. Being passive is similar to a leaf blowing in the wind without utilizing any of its own energy in order to gain the momentum for movement. It’s staying in one place and allowing outside forces to move you in whatever direction those forces choose. Pliant. Immobile. Weightless, without plan or thought of changing direction.
Resignation arrived in my thirties. The years where my main concern was my sons’ wellbeing and keeping them fed and loved enough to thrive and just getting through the day, in order to maintain. The years of caring for sick relatives and even sicker men. Resigned to the fact that I needed to stand still and in one place, to push down thoughts of what my life could be if only there wasn’t so much weight upon me and responsibility tangling about me. Allowing my struggling spirit to give in to the demands and letting my dreams go into hibernation. A settling. A relief of sorts. Mechanical.
Acceptance has come to me in my middle years. My time since all responsibilities to others have disappeared. Enough time to myself and quiet in order to get back in touch with the spirit within. A period of reflection on choices made and of decisions needing to be made in regards to the rest of my life.
An almost Zen state in the evenings when the dusk sneaks in the windows and I put off turning on the lights. When I sit quietly in my chair, with the kitten purring against my chest, eyes closed, in reflection and thanks for a day without pain or chaos or regret.
Acceptance that in the letting go, I am opening my soul to all the potentially good things that could be heading my way.
Accepting that every decision I have made in my life was primarily made with a good, caring heart, and that it is not my fault that my light drew the darkness as well.
Acceptance that everything is as it should be, and that I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this time.